This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
