Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
