Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
