And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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