I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
