nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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