I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
