Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
