I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
