can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
