Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
