Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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