all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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