I must be too annoying 4 u.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
