It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Randomize
