just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
