I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
