He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
