i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
