It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
