i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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