Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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