So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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