so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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