i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
