I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
