Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I could fuck to npr.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
