I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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