I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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