remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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