So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
