At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
