Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
