My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
