He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
