I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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