I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
