ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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