officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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