Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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