"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
