dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
