My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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