y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize