he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
