I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
