I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I FOUND THE LEGS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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