whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
