I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
