Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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