you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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