A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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