I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
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Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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