so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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