if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
