Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
