All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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