Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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