don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is Oprah even human
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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