can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
