dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
