So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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