If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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