Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
