My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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