Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
