i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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