Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
