Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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