he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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