you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
