dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
