Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
