My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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