I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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