Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
