Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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