Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
